


Sessions

by rakketyrivertam



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depersonalization, Dissociation, Gen, Profiles (Transformers), Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:49:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rakketyrivertam/pseuds/rakketyrivertam
Summary: Jazz talks to Smokescreen.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	Sessions

**Author's Note:**

> I want people to be aware that nothing discussed here directly correlates to any human disorder. There are similarities, because that's how research works, but you should not read this as representation of any specific disorder.
> 
> This is a continuation or clarification of sorts of my Jazz' backstory, as first seen [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215955).
> 
> This is also my first time writing out Jazz' accent. The Watsonian reason is that accents tend to get thicker when you're feeling strong emotions. The Doylist reason is I wanted to see if I could do it without overdoing it, and I'm 90% sure I got it. ;)

"They were chasing him," Jazz said, "an' he had t' disappear."

Smokescreen leaned back in his chair, saying nothing.

"So he created me an' m' brother. Partitioned off sections o' his personality, his habits, an' behaviors, an' he called 'em Jazz an' Rico. He bought th' frames of a coupl'a deactivated Polyhexians from a scruple-less mortician an' arranged for a spark division and transfers from a' equally scruple-less physician. Then he let us take o'er, firewalled himself int' the farthest corners of our processors. Just, y'know, 'here y'go, only a few breem old, really, an' no real world experience, enjoy th' frame of a' adult an' th' complete an' utter lack o' food an' shelter.' 'Twas a learnin' experience for sure."

Smokescreen nodded. "So you never had a sparklinghood or even a mentorship. You went straight from newling to mech in the space of a few breem. Zero guidance."

"Yeah." Jazz sighed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees for support. "We had t' figure it all out ourselfs, all th' other things other mechs know instantly. 'Tis just one more thing he didn't give us."

"Do you still feel like there are other things other mechs just know and you don't?"

"Always. I try t' fake it til I make it, but I'm terrified they'll find out what I really am."

"And what's that?"

Jazz buried his face in his hands, taking a deep breath that very nearly hitched into a sob. "Just a shell program, piloting a dead body t' hide a dangerous criminal."

Smokescreen hummed. 'That is what you were built to be, but do you ever think you've outgrown it?"

"No." Jazz shook his head. "No. I never will. This's just what I am."

"That sounds pretty Functionist to me."

Jazz laughed, hollow and bitter. "Anti-Functionism only applies t' real sentients, not me. My spark isn't even mine."

Smokescreen tilted his head. "Is that what makes someone real?"

Jazz shrugged.

"Is Ricochet real?"

Jazz flinched, but otherwise didn't react.

Smokescreen sighed and changed the subject. "Do you worry that Meister will come back, and that if he does, you'll cease to exist?"

Jazz nodded, looking up. "Every damn cycle."

"But if you were just a shell program, nothing more, you'd be coded to let it happen." Smokescreen waited a moment to see if Jazz would respond. Just as he was about to move on, his patient spoke.

"I don't want t' die." Jazz scrubbed his face, catching tears before they appeared beneath his visor. "I don't - I don' wanna leave Rico 'lone, neither."

Smokescreen nodded, letting the weight of the words fill the room. "That's very sentient of you."

Jazz took a deep, shaky breath.

Smokescreen glanced at the chrono and stood. "That's all the time we have today. Take as long as you need to compose yourself, okay? I'll just take my next appointment in the other office. And, Jazz? I want you to be thinking about what else, besides the way you came into being, is the same or different from other mechs. I think you'll find a lot more similarities than differences."

**Author's Note:**

> This is marked as complete, but I might write further sessions between Jazz and Smokescreen or between Smokescreen and other Autobots. We'll just have to see where the muse takes me.
> 
> 5/14/2020: Edited to fit Catalyst and compiled all related ficlets into a series.


End file.
